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Dissapointments
Posted by Nathalie on November 15, 2007I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again “I’m the type of chick who gets bored with her hairstyles…QUICK.” I’ve had several haircuts, up-do’s, colors, and in between that, I’ve even found time to fit in weaves…I’ve sampled a good array of extensions from quick weaves, jaw string ponytails, to micros, kinky-twists, sew ins, and …I hate to admit this, but I’ve had a real crusty crochet weave too.
So let’s get to my 2 year journey in the life of nappiness…. My hair was going through a loooong period of ugliness. It was as thin, stringy…and it got so bad I didn’t feel comfortable that my current methods of hair care were going to cut it. I knew, I had to do something drastic in order to “bring sexy back”. At the same time, I started to get some inspiration from women like:
Tracy Ellis Ross
Jill Scott
I also got addicted to natural hair care forums such as nappturality.com and from there, I was hooked. I knew there was no chance in hell that I was going to be cutting all of my hair off at once. NO chance!!! So, I decided to wear weaves/braids until I had enough natural hair to cut off the permed ends and still look good.
My natural hair felt so soft…so silky! I just KNEW it was gonna be fly once I debu’d my natural look. But to be quite honest…my natural hair was a big disspointment. I didn’t look ANYTHING like the women I see on tv (should have known that was gonna happen since tv/magazines are so fake)
Here’s a little picture of me when I first cut off all my permed hair aka “The Big Chop”
I rocked the afro for about two years, hoping that it would eventually transform into a “Tracy Ellis-Ross” do’. Unfortunately, that never happened, and I went ahead and got a texturizer.
I have the UTMOST respect for natural women out there. They are holding it down for us permed sisters. But I want someone to tell me. Honestly…were you disappointed when you tried to go natural? Did anyone else have a similar experience?
I thought I was the only one!!! I tried the whole natural experience and after four years I finally gave up. I initially started out with locks, which were too thin for my liking so after about a year or more I decided to take them out one by one. My mistake, it all went downhill from there. My hair was horribly dry and thin, and being someone who is usually creative with hairstyles, I found myself sporting an afro for the majority of my natural phase. My hair did eventually get back thick and healthy for the most part, but I came to the conclusion that natural hair requires way more maintenance than relaxed hair. Needless to say, I’m back to my relaxer after over a year now. I loved the change at first, but now I’m starting to want my natural hair back.I definitely will think alot about it before I decide to go down that road again, but only time will tell. Natural hair tends to give you a sense of individuality and I wouldnt mind having that back. Where I’m from, (south florida) its common to see the same hair-dos, and buying hair gets expensive. With that said, I have the same respect for naturals. Its a bold statement, and makes you unique!!
I agree. Now you have been there from the beginning with me and my hair. In two years that I have been natural it has grown a lot and I have a full head of good length.
I thought my hair was going to be curly and slightly easier to manage. Like the picture of Jill Scott that you have posted. My hair is NOTHING like that. It is thick and heavy and does not have a natural curl. I have to plan a whole day to wash and detangle and dry. I can’t let it air dry because it will look like a brillo pad on my head.
I guess I should have looked at the pictures of the celebrities with natural hair with a grain of salt. Even though their hair is natural they have stylists and artists who take he time to keep their hair up. In my fast paced life where I barely have time to think for myself, it doesn’t allow me to spend hours a week on the management of my hair.
If I wash it and braid it, once the braids are taken out it does have a cute wavy look. Unfortunately that takes a lot of time. Even with the big chop my hair has been braided more than out.
Now I love my hair natural. It is beautiful. But I do miss having my hair permed. I thought with it being natural I wouldn’t have to worry so much about my hair being wet. I would be able to go swimming because my hair would dry into a cute afro. . . .wrong. if my hair gets wet I have to worry about shrinkage even more.
Sigh. . this is a whole heck of a lot more work than a perm. I am getting weak in my natural state.
I know how you feel Lexi. I had such high hopes and things just didn’t happen as planned.
Like you said, anyone looking at celebrity hairdos for inspiration needs to take those pictures with a grain of salt…SERIOUSLY. I know genetics have a lot to do with how your natural hair looks, but STYLISTS really work some magic.
Be strong madame. Being natural is a BOLD statement and a testament to black women everywhere. Be proud and show other women of color how beautiful you are.
Hello Nathalie,
I just came across your web page which I think is cool. Before I comment let me give you a little break down of my hairstory. I have been natural for four years straight. I started with locks and maintained them well over 3 1/2 years until recently when I took them out with a sewing nettle, and a lot of patience. It has been 3mo. now, and I have to admit that it was hard to transition from shoulder length, golden blond highlighted beautiful locks, to what I considered to be a plan, kinky, and a frail natural. Since then with plenty of trial and error, experimentation, and TLC, my natural is fuller and healthier than when I started.
One thing we have to realize is that our standard for beauty is not our own. So I don’t think its anything wrong with plan, kinky, healthy hair just our perception of our selves has been impaired. So with that said I believe we try to make ourselves (our natural hair) over to be something were not according to the standards of so called beauty that are perpetuated through the media and so forth.
The question we must ask is: How will my decision to never fully deal with being in our natural state effect our children seven generations from now?
In my experience I have learned that these small decisions have a major impact on how we relate with our children, men, and ourselves. Thats why I’m determined to deal with my natural hair.
I feel the exact same way!!! All week I have been debating what to do with my hair….I’ve been natural for 4 years now and don’t feel as though my hair has grown any faster or healthier than when I had it relaxed. I’ve been wearing sew-ins for the past couple of months but, I’ve decided to get a texturizer tomorrow….I’m a bit nervous though. I too saw the natural hair of those with a curlier textured hair than mine and thought that I too could achieve that look. My hair is very difficult to manage…..I’ve been doing some research on texturizers and I think that is the way to go for me (although I feel I am selling my soul to the devil!). I am at the point were I want to wear my hair straight, but I am unable to do this unless I have chemicals in my hair……it won’t stay straight too long without it, plus I don’t want to damage my hair with excess amounts of heat.
Once i learned about styles and products to use to get “the television show look” i was fine. blow outs, twists out, and braid outs with qhemet biologics products made my hair look hott. btw, i also did not do a big chop. I transitioned through box braids and then coils. Through the winter months i keep it in kinky twists. There were times i felt tired of doing my hair on the daily basis because it took so long to style but i was never disappointed.Sure, perhaps i would like it if it was less tangled but then i discovered banding and Mane n’tail detangler and now i’m pretty content.
To Darcy- if your using weaves, your hair is not getting moisture. Hence, the lack of growth. African hair needs oiling and deep conditioning regularly. The texturizer will defintely not make it any healthier.
I feel like I’m to young to be saying this, I’m only 16, but I’m gonna go ahead. At the end of 6th grade, after being natural and having my mom braid my hair my whole life I decided I was ready to upgrade to perm in preparation for middle school. So I did. And I loved it! That whole summer was a joy I’ll never forget. But then I realized my hair couldn’t always be like that. I was very irresponsible with it and by the start of high school I realized there was no way it was going to work anymore.
Then I say the India Arie video, “I am not my hair” and my life changed forever. That very night I had my dad shave my head for me. It was the middle of freshmen year so I was laughed at and mocked at school but I stayed undaunted. By the summer I had a nice litte ‘fro goin on and life was good. But then there came a point when the fro was to big but my hair couldn’t stay down. So then I taught myself how to braid, cornrows. By the middle of sophmore a year later my hair was at chin length but I hit the wall, I was tired of having to keep it braided in order to maintain it.
Then I discovered the hot comb again. I had memories of being a child and my mother using the hot comb to punish me, but it works!!! Like someone mentioned before, you have to devote a whole day of unbraiding in my case, then washing and conditioning. Then I hotcomb it for half an hour. It’s not perfectly straigtht, but it’s manageable. Then you hotcomb it the next day and it gets better. After about 3 days of this treatment, with just enough hair grease, your hair is very manageable. My friends that I had betrayed the natural look and permed my hair, but no! It was just hot combed. Recently I’ve taken to hot combing my hair and then using flat iron and it works wonders!
So to all of you out there don’t give up. I only ever have to wash my hair maybe once every month- two months. I braid cornrows, but if you get micros it can last a while too, I just don’t have that kind of patience. This is just the advice of a 16 yr old but its true. If you want before and after pictures I can show you; email: queeniesther@yahoo.com; but that’s been my journey.
So I’m about to hit the big 3-0 in a week and have been perm-free for the past 8 months. As I enter my new decade, I’ve decided to start by loving me..the way God made me. I’m tired of trying to be the latest video vixen, perched on high heels, stuffed in skinny jeans, sweating under hot ass weaves and fighting my edges with black gel, so someone will find me attractive. I want out of this silly competition. I want to be FREE of societies burden and the pursuit of the unattainable, photoshopped, mainstream perfection. Oh Lawd, what is I’m gon’ do?
So , on my big birthday, Im considering… THE BIG CHOP.
Now, I have about 3 inches of new growth and 3 inches of old perm. If you do the math, this equals disaster. First of all, it seems like my natural hair is too soft to be a shapely afro, but not soft enough to form cute lil “you-got-some-”good”-hair” curls. It flops over more with a natural part, kinda like Frederick Douglas. (Don’t laugh)
I have been using straw sets, two strand twists, bantu knot twirl outs, corn rows and micros to get through this phase.. but as a woman in corporate America, it has NOT been easy. The black women at my job who have perms ask me how on earth do I plan to get a new job with my hair like that. (We all just got laid off) And honestly, I dont know the answer. But the truth is, if SOMEONE doesn’t TRY to enter mainstream with it, they’ll never get used to it. So, I guess I’ll be the martyr. Scarfs, headbands, and accessories will have to be my friend.. And more importantly, I will have to stop being my own enemy.
If you can’t change it.. figure out how to rock it. Wish me luck!
Most of the stories I’ve read say that natural hair has been liberating and lower maintenance. I personally, don’t think I’ve ever spent more time doing my hair than I do now. Maybe after the BC that will change. I guess time will tell.
I have read the post and I at the grand old age of 37 have gone natural. I have had straight hair for the majority of my adult life and I must say that I like my hair in it’s natural state. At the time, I don’t have to deal with perceptions of my hair because as an American living in Italy, I am a real foreigner. They are going to stare at me anyway, so I figured, why not look like an American and wear a fro. That’s right a fro’. We are the only ones who wear them and it looks hot.
I have to say that I really had no choice. My hair started growing out and there are no products for “black” hair. First, the relaxers were no where to be found. Then my beloved hair dryer with the small tooth comb broke, thus I had to do something. I was not walking around looking strange, so I eventually went natural.
I don’t use a lot of chemicals, oils and what not on my hair. I wash it and use a deep conditioner every night. I squeeze it dry and apply, a moisturizing cream made by sunsilk which I mix with a little olive oil. I braid it in about 9 braids, tie it up with a scarf and take the braids out in the morning. The olive oil keeps it from being too dry and frizzing too much. I have no problems with the humidity and if it is bad, the extra added volume looks hot once you get a good length.
If you want some further inspiration and you are on myspace. Check out Jody Watley and her new fro. That is how mine looks.
I am going through this phase right now!!!!! ahhhh the torture. I stopped relaxing my hair in Feb of 2009 and have gone through the entire transition gradually clipping of some permed hair as I am not totally sold on cutting off all my hair at once. lol I have gone to the salon attempting to find some words of encouragement and perhaps a regimine that would afford me the strength to continue with the process. Unfortunately, I have been met with blank stares from the stylist and even other clients in the salon chiming in about me starting locks or getting my hair braided in because my hair does not look “done” in its transitional state. Boooo I have said to the stylist and continue to take care of my hair at home. The task is daunting and frankly exhausting. I much like the women on this forum spend several hours attempting to wash, deep condition, detangle and style my hair. None of this can take place at a moments notice and I find that if an impromptu invitation comes across my desk for a cocktail hour after work with the fabulously gorgeous 20 something New Yorkers I will tend to decline these days for I haven’t the slightest clue of how to make this fro into a creative chic and classy ‘do. I am fighting the urge to grab a box of optimum mild relaxer and run to the nearest salon. What to doooo!!!!!!
Way back in 1994 I decided I would not go through another summer perming my hair. I refused to sit under the dryer for an hour to get my hair to dry only to have the hair dresser check it by unfurling a giant roller in the middle of my head only to roll it back up and shove me back under the dyer with the phase “not dry yet” My god how I hated the dryer. Weeks before the group known and Zhane made it fashionable again I marched my self straight to Tony’s Barber Shop and said Tony take it off. He naturally barked at the idea he thought lost my mind and didn’t want my mother coming down to his shop to beat him senseless. I reassured him and he still wouldn’t shave it off the way I wanted. So told him if he didn’t do it they way i wanted I’d go else where and let them put a before and after picture on their wall indicating how awful the service is at Tony’s…Needless to say I got what I wanted and no less then 2 little kids pointed at me and laughed as I made my way home. I could not have cared less I was happy to be free, My mother went into hysterics, my grandmother stopped speaking to me and my female cousin held me in awe. Weeks later Zhane hit the scene and there was nothing especially unique about my hair anymore. But to me it was a sense of liberation that I have and still hold dear. I have never chemically straighten my hair since. going natural much like getting a tattoo should be something that one thinks out thoroughly it can be traumatic for some people to go trough the big chop then to only realize that things can potential become much more then they initially bargained for. I know am ma lucky I’ve gone through up and downs with my hair in it’s natural stated but the downs are mostly my own doing by way of neglecting it. I let my hair gown out shoulder length and when the mood strikes me I cut. When I get bored I dye it. At the end of the day having the guts to even try to go natural and following through on it even for a little while can be chalked up to an experience through the journey of life.
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